A doctor complains to his lawyer friend that wherever he goes, people ask him for medical advice and he never gets paid for it....
Neil Renic (@NC_Renic): You don’t permanently delete a perfectly good paragraph. You save it to a separate document for 8 years and then permanently delete it.
John Cleese (@JohnCleese): The English have some good collective nouns:
A gaggle of geese, a pride of lions, a school of fish.
The Americans have simplified the problem:
A bunch of dolphins, a bunch of sheep, a bunch of actuaries, a bunch of bunches.
Saves a lot of time...
Elaine (@elainesim28): Since this storm started, my husband hasn’t stopped looking through the window…
If it gets any worse I’ll have to let him in.
Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere): Rise AND shine? Listen…
lain (@user0000O0): Nice tweets, so are you on antidepressants or antipsychotics??
“I won’t say anything without my lawyer present,” the man protests.
“But sir, you are the lawyer,” the cop replies.
“Exactly,” he says. “Where’s my present?”
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A doctor complains to his lawyer friend that wherever he goes, people ask him for medical advice and he never gets paid for it. The lawyer replies, “Just do what I do: send them a bill.”
A week later, the doctor gets a bill from the lawyer for services rendered.
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A criminal defense attorney is meeting with her client, and she says, “Well, I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?”
“I’ll take the bad news first, I guess,” the client responds.
“Well, they found a lot of your blood at the crime scene, and they matched its DNA to yours, so they’re probably going to think you did it,” the lawyer replies.
“What’s the good news?!?” the suspect asks?
“Your cholesterol is 130.”
“I admit that I live in the past, but only because housing is so much cheaper.” – Matt Wohlfarth
