I’m torn between my dreams and my family’s expectations. Guru, what should I do?
I don’t want to get married
Dear Guru,
I am a 24-year-old professional with an MBA, currently working for a multinational company. I’m a quick learner, and my bosses are impressed with my performance. They often tell me that with consistent hard work, I have a bright future ahead. I come from a middle-class, educated family, and I see great potential for growth in my career.
However, there’s a problem. My parents want me to get married, and they’ve received a proposal from a very respectable family. We know them well, and they are cultured and decent. The guy, F, is well-settled and good looking. He works in Lahore, while his parents are in Karachi. His parents want a simple wedding in three months’ time when F is expected to come to Karachi on leave.
I’m not against the idea of marriage, but I feel it’s not the right time for me. I want to focus on establishing myself professionally before considering marriage. Accepting this proposal would mean leaving my job and city, and sacrificing a promising future—a trade-off I am not willing to make. To me, the thought of leaving my career behind is unsettling, and I don’t want to go to Lahore where I have no family.
Unfortunately, my family believes rejecting this proposal would be a mistake, and I feel mentally exhausted trying to make them understand my aspirations. Don’t girls have the right to decide on matters as important as their careers and futures? I’m torn between my dreams and my family’s expectations. Guru, what should I do?
Professional Girl
Dear Professional Girl,
Your concerns are valid, and it’s admirable that you have a clear vision for your future. Balancing personal aspirations with family expectations can be challenging, but it’s important to stay true to yourself and deal with this situation with tact.
First, understand that your parents likely want what they believe is best for you. Their insistence on this proposal is due to their love and concern, but it’s equally important for them to see things from your perspective. Talk to them and explain why your career is a priority for you at this stage. Your parents are worried about you because good proposals are not easy to come by, and this is a fact you might want to consider as well. Reassure them that you are not against marriage, but you need time to establish yourself before taking that step.
If you feel comfortable, you could propose a middle ground. For example, you might suggest delaying the wedding and having an engagement while you achieve certain career milestones. This could help alleviate their fears while giving you the space to focus on your aspirations.
Stay confident in your choices and trust yourself to make the right decision. Your aspirations are valid, and you have every right to pursue them. With patience and clear communication, you can find a solution that works for both you and your family.
Good luck!
“Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” - Francis of Assisi
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