Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux): How to have a good marriage ...
* Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux): How to have a good marriage:
1. Hold hands
2. Cuddle
3. Take out the trash like I have been telling you to do ALL DAY Craig
* Natalie Would (@_NatalieWould): I say 'as luck would have it' a lot for someone whose luck never has it.
* Matty (@bestestname): We just need to invent a straw that lasts a little bit longer than four seconds but still less than a million years.
* Laura Peek (@laurapeek_): Woke up in the middle of the night with an incredible idea, notes app this morning says “sparkling cream cheese”.
* Krista Pacion (@kristabellerina): Adulting is spending more time preparing excuses for why the house is a mess than cleaning the house.
Q: What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
A: Aye matey!
Q: How do you make a pirate furious?
A: Take away the "p".
Q: What’s a pirate’s favourite part of a song?
A: The hook.
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C.
Q: Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
A: He was sitting on the deck.
A schoolteacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all.
On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times.
When he was working at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class raised its level of unruliness.
Finally, becoming frustrated with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places.
Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin
