I tried to tell them that I want to marry Z, but they won’t listen. Z’s family thinks I should have a court marriage...
I can't wait indefinitely
Dear Guru,
I am a 27-year-old woman working in the marketing department of a company. For the past three years, I have been in love with my colleague, R, who loves me as well, but says he needs time because his family is against love marriages and doesn’t approve of working women. My parents know about R and have repeatedly asked me to bring him home to meet them, but he says he isn’t mentally prepared for that step. Whenever I bring up the subject, he gets annoyed and accuses me of not trusting him. It’s not that I don’t trust him, but I cannot continue this relationship without a clear commitment. My parents believe R is not serious about me and feel I should consider the proposal from my cousin, also named R, who is a well-settled doctor living in Australia. I’m really confused—I love my colleague deeply, but I can’t afford to wait indefinitely. Somehow, I feel that R may never actually follow through on his promises to propose, despite his repeated assurances that he would. What do you suggest?
Girl in Doubt
Dear Girl in Doubt,
It sounds like you’re in a challenging situation where both your heart and mind are pulling you in different directions. You’ve invested three years in this relationship with R, and it’s understandable that you want a commitment to move forward. However, his reluctance to take the next step, along with his family’s strong disapproval of love marriages and working women, raises legitimate concerns. It's also important to consider your family’s viewpoint; their worry about R’s intentions and their encouragement toward your cousin's proposal stem from a desire to see you secure and happy in a committed relationship. Since R feels pressured whenever you discuss a commitment, it might help to have an open conversation where you gently express your feelings and let him know how essential clarity is for you. If he’s unwilling to move forward, you’ll need to decide whether you are prepared to wait indefinitely for his proposal or not. Your cousin’s proposal offers you a secure future. In the end, listen to your instincts, and choose what brings you peace and security. I'm confident that happiness will follow if you invest in your relationship with genuine sincerity.
Good luck
My parents are always fighting
Salam Guru,
I am a 24-year-old woman. My problem is that my parents fight all the time. My siblings and I have gotten used to their arguments, but this time they have crossed all limits. Both of them want me to marry their respective nephews and haven't even asked me what I want. Guru, they are both very stubborn, and once they make up their minds, they don’t back down. I am in love with my friend’s brother, Z, and he loves me too. He sent a proposal, which started this fight between my parents. I feel helpless and depressed because both of them are insisting I marry their nephews and are ignoring my wishes. I tried to tell them that I want to marry Z, but they won’t listen. Z’s family thinks I should have a court marriage, but this would alienate me from my parents, whom I love. How can I convince them?
Distressed D
Dear Distressed D,
You are caught in a difficult situation as your parents, who often fight, are now disagreeing over whom you should marry. To convince them, try calmly sharing how important their support and blessing are to you, as well as explaining how a marriage based on love and mutual understanding with Z would bring you happiness and stability. If possible, arrange a meeting between both families in a neutral setting, perhaps with a trusted relative or elder, to mediate and provide perspective on the importance of your choice. This could help your parents see your viewpoint and understand that their support would mean the world to you. You could also explain that by accepting Z’s proposal, they would effectively resolve their conflict, as you wouldn’t be marrying either your father’s or your mother’s choice. This solution would allow them to maintain their self-respect, as neither would feel they had “lost” to the other.
Good luck!
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