John Attridge (@John_Attridge): You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?
John Attridge (@John_Attridge): You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?
Darla (@ddsmidt): Got lectured today [by] my doctor about my glucose level. I knew I should’ve studied more for that blood test.
Leen McBeans (@LeenMcBeans): You ever think about how the word “verb” is actually a noun? Or are you normal
Rachelle Toarmino (@rchlltrmn): “We want grandkids.” Best I can do is being on a chin scratch basis with all the stray cats in my neighbourhood.
A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m so sorry, Polly has passed away.”
The distressed owner wailed, “Are you sure? I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room, returning a few moments later with a black labrador. As the bird’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet took the dog out, but returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but, like I said, your parrot is most definitely 100 percent certifiably dead.” He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman.
The parrot’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried, “$150 just to tell me my bird is dead!!” The vet shrugged. “If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would only have been $20, but what with the lab report and the cat scan…”
POINTS TO PONDER
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” – Joan Rivers
