ScottW (@jswtreeman): I know this will show my age but this is like my 7th “most important election of our lifetime.”
ScottW (@jswtreeman): I know this will show my age but this is like my 7th “most important election of our lifetime.”
Annie Way (@Anniewritess): Sorry we're late. My 5 year old put his trousers on backwards and I called him Kris Kross, so then I had to explain the ‘90s.
Jesse Case (@jessecase): Every time I go to a haunted house, it never makes sense. Who lived here? They didn't have a kitchen or any bathrooms but a giant maze in the middle? Can that gentleman with the chainsaw help? This is an architectural nightmare.
Mau (@rllydu): You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.
Krista Pacion (@kristabellerina): Extroverting is so hard, it should count as part of my fitness plan.
Peter (@arabatman_): Hello Sharks, I’m here today asking when will it end
Ron Iver (@ronnui_): Cancelling my therapy appointment because I had a bagel and I feel a little better now.
Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais): 26 years ago, I was made redundant and given a few grand. I decided that if I was careful, I could live off the money for 6 months trying to become a comedian before I had to get another job. I was 37. Worth a punt.
Laugh lines
THE SHORTCUT
A man asks a farmer near the field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:30 pm train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you'll even catch the 4 pm one.”
POINTS TO PONDER
“Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see.” – Edgar Allan Poe
