Heather (@heatherjs): There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second....
* Heather (@heatherjs): There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.
* Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker): One of my favourite life hacks for when you’re trying to find the motivation to clean the kitchen is to just buy a new house.
* Natalie Would (@_NatalieWould): “I don’t like it” - me about everything that’s not a dog.
* Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere): Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.
* Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau): I was so impressed my fiancée realized I was in a bad mood when I was trying to hide it, I asked how she knew and she just stared at me and said “You complained about a muffin for 15 minutes.”
So not to take away from her emotional awareness but I might just be incredibly transparent.
* Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin): Don’t be a part of the problem, be the whole problem.
* Drew (@dmc1138): Just a friendly reminder that nobody cares and your opinion doesn’t matter.
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping. It was found
by an honest little boy and returned to her.
Looking in her purse, she commented, “That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $100 bill in it. Now there are 100 $1 bills.”
The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”
“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’” – Groucho Marx
