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I suffer from low self-esteem

Dear Guru,

I am a 21-year-old student, doing electrical engineering. I was an average student, but my parents wanted me to do medicine. When I couldn’t get the required scores, I decided to do engineering. My problem is that my parents compare me to my cousins my age who are in different med schools. They criticize me and praise them which hurts me a lot. Due to their attitude, I suffer from low self-esteem.

I feel de-motivated and discouraged because my mother thinks I am good for nothing. What can I do to make her like me a little?

Depressed Daughter

Dear Depressed Daughter,

It's difficult when parental expectations don't align with your achievements, and comparisons are constantly made. First, you need to understand that your worth is not defined by your academic path; in fact, it’s your character and personality that define you. Pursuing a degree in electrical engineering is a commendable accomplishment, and many successful individuals take diverse routes in life. Your parents may have had a specific vision for you, but it's essential to remind yourself that your path is unique. To ease the tension, you could try having an open conversation with your parents about how their comparisons and criticism make you feel. It might be helpful to emphasize that you're doing your best and ask for their support instead of comparison. Additionally, focusing on your own strengths and achievements can help rebuild your self-esteem. Show your commitment to excelling in your field of study, and over time, your hard work and dedication will likely earn their respect. At the end of the day, it's more important that you pursue something you're passionate about rather than meeting someone else's expectations.

When you become a successful engineer, your mother will likely realize her mistake and may even take credit for your achievements. You don’t need to do anything special to make her like you—she already loves you. Her comparisons with your cousin stem from a desire for you to excel. While comparisons can be damaging, some parents don’t fully understand the harm they cause and unintentionally hurt their children. Remember, you are on your own path, and before long, you will make her proud. So, shake off the discouragement and move forward with confidence!

Good luck

My mother is controlling

Dear Guru,

I'm a 19-year-old college student, and my issue is that my mother treats me like a child. She packs homemade snacks for me and insists on picking me up, which leads to my friends making fun of me. She tries to control nearly every part of my life—I can't dress how I want or watch movies I enjoy. I'm not involved in anything inappropriate; I don’t go out with boys, but she still checks my text messages, which makes me feel hurt and insulted. When I ask her why she does all this, she says it's because the world is full of evil and weird people, and she's just looking out for me. I often feel frustrated and question if this level of control is normal. How can I deal with this?

Hounded Daughter

Dear Hounded Daughter,

Your frustration is understandable, and you need to address this situation by trying to discuss this issue with your mother. Select a time when both of you are in a pleasant frame of mind. Explain to her how her actions make you feel, focusing on the impact it has on your confidence and friendships. Tell her you feel hurt when she checks your messages. Acknowledge that you understand her concerns, but explain that you’d like more freedom in choosing your clothes or having privacy over your messages. Show your mother that you are responsible by completing your tasks and maintaining good grades. This will help her feel more comfortable easing her control. If communication remains difficult, consider involving your father or an elder sibling to mediate the discussion. That being said, it's important to realize that, although overzealous in her care, your mother loves you and is trying to protect you.

Good luck

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