I feel lonely
Dear Guru,
I am a 19-year-old girl who is naturally shy, making it difficult for me to make friends. I often feel tongue-tied in social situations, afraid to speak my mind because I’m worried that people will look down on me if I share my opinions. Although I’m a good student, I rarely volunteer answers in class and only respond when my teachers specifically ask me questions.
I find comfort in my own company because I struggle to open up to others, fearing they might mock me. I have two friends who have been with me since we started school, but even with them, I find it hard to talk about my problems or share my inner thoughts. This sometimes leaves me feeling lonely, and I wonder if there’s something wrong with me. How can I improve myself? Do you have any suggestions?
Shy Girl
Dear Shy Girl,
First of all, rest assured: there’s nothing wrong with you. Shyness and difficulty in social situations are more common than you might think, and many people experience similar feelings. To improve, start by taking small steps to gradually push yourself out of your comfort zone. You might try expressing your thoughts in smaller groups where you feel safer or writing down your thoughts before sharing them. This can help you build confidence over time. Additionally, consider focusing on your strengths and accomplishments, which can help boost your self-esteem. Remember, it’s okay to be yourself, and you don’t have to change who you are to fit in. Building deeper connections with your friends or others you trust by sharing a little more about yourself when you feel comfortable can also help. Over time, as you practice, you’ll likely find it easier to open up, and the fear of being judged will lessen. You’re not alone in this journey, and with patience and self-compassion, you can develop the confidence to express yourself more freely. Good luck
I feel lost without him
Dear Guru,
I’m a 19-year-old girl studying BBA at a prestigious college in Karachi. I had been in a steady relationship with a boy, W, since 10th grade, but things have changed recently. In the beginning, he was very loving, but now he often goes out with other girls. When I express concern, he tells me to mind my own business. Recently, he told me that he has no intention of marrying me. I love him intensely and can’t imagine my life without him. I’m devastated and can’t bear the thought of marrying someone else. Being casually dumped like this makes me feel like a failure, as if something is lacking in me. I can’t understand why he broke up with me, and now I feel lost without him, like there’s nothing left for me in this world. Please help me.
Shattered Girl
Dear Shattered Girl,
I’m really sorry you’re going through this, but I think it’s important to remember that your worth is not defined by someone else’s actions or decisions. It’s natural to feel heartbroken and confused after a relationship ends, especially when it feels so sudden and undeserved. However, it’s crucial to understand that the way W has treated you reflects more on him than it does on you. You deserve to be treated with respect, care, and love, and it seems that W has failed to provide that.
It’s also important to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself time to get over the grief you feel at this loss. It’s okay to feel upset, but try not to let these emotions lead you to believe that you’re a failure or that something is wrong with you. Relationships often change as people grow, and sometimes, they don’t turn out the way we hope, but this doesn’t diminish your value or potential.
Right now, focusing on your own well-being is crucial. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who care about you. Engaging in activities you enjoy, or even exploring new hobbies, can help you find joy. You are very young right now, with so much ahead of you.
Lastly, consider speaking to a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate these emotions. They can provide you with strategies to cope with the pain and help you rebuild your self-esteem. You’re stronger than you think, and with time and self-care, you’ll be able to move forward and find happiness again. You deserve to be with someone who loves and values you for who you are, and that will come in time. For now, take care of yourself and believe in your own strength and worth.
Good luck!
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