As I make my way through life, having wen 30 wer and winters, feeling both bleed and grateful for all that life enriches me with, I have grown patient and cations Patient to savour the goodness of a moment no matter how frivolous, and ca tious to never fool myself into thinking any of it is perma nant, good or bad.
Here are a few I have learnt along the way, the hard way.
No one is going to save you
Not the ones who say they love you, nor the people who try to show the world that they are there for you. The truth is, they are only at the periphery, the spectators to your life. It doesn't matter to them whether you swim or drown when the tide rises. They live on their owners, as much as you wish their life would stop when you're in misery. It won't. Don't wait on a hero to save you. Real life is not a fairy tale. You are your own hero. You must take life by its horns and save yourself. Your life literally depends on it.
Some people are only good till their interests are met
There's no point in giving people the ben- efit of the doubt, to try to see the better side, the silver lining, the glass half full. No. Just stop. Take people as they are. Know that they will only be good, courteous, reason- able as long as they think that you're fulfill ing their interest or their interests align with yours. As soon as there's a conflict or they think they are having to compromise and accommodate, watch their colours change. And you're left high and dry. Save yourself the trouble and give each interaction a shelf life. They expire sooner than you think.
You cannot change people or what they think of you
You may want to constantly prove your- self. "Yes, I'm so saintly and think the best for everyone and want the best for every one." And you might well be. But does that make others think by default that you're a good person? No.
What people think of you is largely dependent on what they perceive of them selves. If they take advantage of people or situations, they will think you're also taking advantage of people and situations. If they think you're manipulative, it most likely rep- resents how they handle people. Whatever someone says or thinks is a reflection of who they are, not who you are. Stop trying to prove yourself to people. Let them think what they want. It really doesn't matter.
The only person you are in competition with is yourself
You are going on your own path to suc- cess. Part of growing up is realising your life has many spheres - health, family, career, spirituality - and you have to be well in all these circles to truly live a life of content- ment. When you strive to be your better self each day, that's when you truly thrive to achieve that level of satisfaction and con- tentment. Know that no one talks about their struggles and failures. People only advertise their wins. What you must under- stand is how to celebrate your own wins whether they're big or small, it shouldn't matter.
Your mental health will be a continuous work in progress
It may seem obvious and cliché, but your mental health will always need work. It may need more work and effort on some days than others. But it cannot be ignored. So fig- ure out what works for you. If talking helps, find someone to take into confidence. If you know that your mental health is making you lazy and keeping you from getting out of the room, just take it as a chore to do tasks that will help you. Make a mental note of the five things you need daily to sustain and survive. Drink water, make the bed, take a shower, read or write, pray. And then just do it with discipline.
Discipline triumphs over motivation
With time you will realise that what mat- ters more is discipline and routine. Much more than motivation. Because motivation fades. It lasts only a day, a week at most. What you must invest all your energies in is discipline and routine.
Make a plan. Write it down. Reward your- self. Ingrain within you a sense of routine, things that you must do to keep afloat and also better yourself daily.
Have gratitude
Practice gratitude each day for all the blessings you have. Your health, ability to think, express, create art; to be able to see beauty; to have a sense of right and wrong to be empathie in an otherwise callous world. As soon as you start counting your blessings, the inconveniences and the bad attitudes all fade away. Be grateful for all the things that make you rich and add richness to your life and its experiences. The biggest of them all is the blessing to be self-aware and to grow each day.
You don't have to win every battle
With time you will realise not everyone thinks the way you do. Because the odds of someone else on the planet having the same upbringing, circumstances, nurturing, and grooming as you are very slim. The more you learn and unleam, the more you know how different two people can be. Even the ones living under the same roof. There's no point trying to prove to someone you're right when all it does is ruin your mental peace. Choose your battles and identify your triggers. By this age, you'll realise it is better to say noth- ing and protect your peace than to engage in a futile argument that proves nothing.
Show yourself some grace
Don't be so hard on yourself. Each time you fall is also an opportunity for you to rise. Know that you are worthy just as you are. And each missed opportunity is still a lesson learnt. Life is never wins or losses, black or white. There is a lot of grey, and messy growth happens in between. Be the type of person you are to others and pat yourself on the back and have faith that you will sue ceed. Just as you have before. And the biggest support you'll ever need is yourself. Breathe. Have faith. Go on
People who are comfortable being stagnant will never understand your goals
Don't try to justify your way of doing things or why you're constantly striving for purpose and growth. Let them be cynical. Keep them guessing your next move. People who become comfortable with mediocrity will never let you excel, let alone understand your ways. They will pull you down, discour age you, create hurdles. But you keep going. Sooner or later, they will come around, and even if they don't, just know that your path and hard work will speak for itself.
Exercise, walk, and repeat
We've all heard that "health is wealth", but most often we spend our twenties keep- ing our health on the backbumer. We don't focus on exercising and building stamina or mascle mass. And as soon as you cross the 30 years bar, your body reclines and recedes. No matter how little, move. Give your body the tools to survive another 20 or 30 years seamlessly. Do it not only for your physical health but also for your mental wellbeing.
Live in the moment
So often, we lose the greater vision and goal. We think about the next big thing after the first, never taking a moment to indulge in the sweetness of a candid conversation, not holding our loved ones longer. We don't celebrate an achievement to the truest sense, always worried about what's next. But won't it be great if we knew that the good old days are here in the now, and the next big thing will come in its own time? Stop and absorb the many ways life gives you the opportunity to be fully immersed in the act of living.
