Jimmy Fallon (@jimmyfallon): You should never pause between the phrases “We lost Grandpa...” and “...at the Walmart for 20 minutes.”
* Jimmy Fallon (@jimmyfallon): You should never pause between the phrases “We lost Grandpa...” and “...at the Walmart for 20 minutes.”
* Krista Pacion (@kristabellerina): I don’t know about you, but I’m really glad I converted my grocery bag full of grocery bags to a tote bag full of tote bags.
* Meghan (@deloisivete): My parents offered to send a windchime home with my kid on our last visit, as if I won't be the one picking out their nursing home.
* Bob Golen (@BobGolen): The dark matter that holds it all together is coffee.
* John Attridge (@John_Attridge): Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.”
The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”
The third smiled and said, “I've got you both beat. Remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.”
Soon thereafter, the mother sent a letter to each son.
“Milton,” she wrote one son, “the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.”
“Gerald,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!”
“Dearest Donald,” she wrote to her third son, “you have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious.”
“In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.” – Tom Bodett
