Do you think he will be a good husband, and will I be happy with him? I would appreciate any advice you can offer....
He doesn’t respect me
Dear Guru,
I am a 20-year-old engineering student. My family is very open-minded, and my mom has no issues with love marriage. I have been in a relationship with a guy for five years. While he is honest and sincere, he disrespects me and shows anger. When I cry, he apologizes, but this pattern of behavior concerns me. I have supported him through many challenges; he was my senior in university but dropped out, and now he is my junior. I will be graduating next year, and my mom wants me to get married. She is looking for potential suitors for me but is not convinced about the guy I’m with. She believes that a marriage without respect is not worthwhile. I have tried to end my relationship with him a couple of times, but he is not leaving me and continues to contact my cousins, siblings, and friends, which is causing me a lot of anxiety.
Do you think he will be a good husband, and will I be happy with him? I would appreciate any advice you can offer.
A Girl in Stress
Dear Girl in Stress,
It sounds like you’re going through a tough situation. It’s good that you’re seeking advice and considering your options carefully. Before coming to a decision, perhaps you should consider a few things: respect in any relationship is a fundamental element in any healthy relationship. It’s concerning that he disrespects you and shows anger. Apologies after the fact don’t necessarily address the root cause of the issue. How he treats you when you’re upset is important; consistent respect and kindness are essential for a stable relationship.
While you’ve supported him, it’s crucial to have a relationship where both partners contribute equally and respect each other’s independence. His current behavior might indicate underlying issues that could affect your future together. Your mother’s concerns about respect are valid. It’s essential to consider her perspective, especially since she is looking out for your well-being and future happiness.
You are emotionally involved with him, but try to reflect on how you feel when you’re with him and how you envision your future. Are you truly happy and at peace the way things are between you two? Does he support your goals and respect your aspirations? Do you think he will change? Think about it.
Another concerning thing is that he has boundary issues. Contacting your friends, family, and cousins is definitely alarming. It might indicate possessiveness or a lack of respect for your personal boundaries.
Finally, if you are not sure about your future with him, you should have an open and honest conversation with him about your concerns. If his behavior doesn’t change or improve, it might be worth reevaluating the relationship because, ultimately, your happiness and well-being are the most important factors. If you feel that the relationship is causing more distress than joy, it’s okay to consider ending it, even if it’s difficult. Since your mother also has misgivings about him, she will support your decision. In addition, surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and take the time you need to make the best decision for yourself.
Good luck
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