I am not allowed to stay up late and watch movies, even on weekends. I feel frustrated and rebellious. What should I do?
I feel rebellious
Dear Guru,
I am a 16-year-old girl, but my parents treat me as if I am six and don’t take me seriously! They say they are raising me as their parents raised them, but they are not letting me be independent in even the smallest of ways. I’ve never been trusted to be on my own. Every time I talk, I’m told to shut up. I am not allowed to look or act my age, which leads to humiliation at school. I am not allowed to go on field trips, and while my friends have sleepovers at each other’s houses, my mother doesn’t let me go. I can’t even dress like girls my age because my parents think the clothes everyone at school wears are not modest. When my friends call, my mom listens to my conversations. I am not allowed to stay up late and watch movies, even on weekends. I feel frustrated and rebellious. What should I do?
Frustrated Teen
Dear Frustrated Teen,
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this. It sounds incredibly frustrating and isolating. Your feelings of wanting more independence and to be treated according to your age are completely valid. It’s important to remember that your parents likely have good intentions and want to protect you, even if their approach feels restrictive.
To show them that you are a sensible young person, try to have an open and honest conversation with your parents. Choose a calm moment to express how you feel and why you need more independence. Explain that their rules are making you feel isolated and embarrassed, and that you’d like to work together to find a middle ground.
Request that they allow you to go on school field trips with the assurance that you’ll check in with them regularly. Or ask for permission to attend a sleepover at a trusted friend’s house.
Show your parents that you are responsible by helping with household chores and completing your school assignments on time. Hopefully, this will demonstrate that you are mature enough for more independence.
However, if your parents refuse to talk things over with you, consider seeking support from a trusted relative, a family friend, or a school counselor—someone your parents respect—to help you get your point across.
Self-harm can affect your mental health. Please reach out to a school counselor if you are scared to confide in your parents. Talking to a mental health professional about these feelings will help you, as they can provide you with coping strategies and support.
Good luck
I am confused
Salam Guru,
I am a graduate of a good university and a government servant. My problem is that I have been in love with a girl for the last two years. Though we have not met face to face, we have seen each other through video calls and pictures. Guru, now she is pressing me hard for marriage, but I have to seek approval from my father, who wants me to marry my cousin, whom I do not want to marry. I have really tried to convince my father, but he does not agree. On the other hand, she is in a hurry. She has said if I don’t marry her, she will leave me. I am very confused about what to do.
One more thing I want to share is that she is divorced, but her divorce is religious and not registered through the court. I need your suggestions.
Stressed Guy
Dear Stressed Guy,
First of all, you need to meet this girl face to face. You cannot get married without meeting her, as online relationships can be tricky and people are not always who they say they are. Once you have physically met her, talk to your father and explain your feelings and the reasons why you want to marry this girl. Respectfully suggest that forced marriages may lead to unhappiness for everyone involved. Ask your mother or siblings to intercede for you. You also need to explain your situation and the pressure you are facing to this girl and ask her to give you some time. Since her divorce is not registered through the court, advise her to take legal steps to finalize the divorce. This is crucial for her own legal and social standing.
More importantly, consider whether you are ready to take a stand for your love, even if it means facing opposition from your family. Remember, this is a significant decision that will impact your future. Take your time to weigh all options and consider the long-term consequences of your choices.
Good luck
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