Emily (@emily_tweets): Me at Best Buy: ‘Do you have any thought-cancelling headphones?’
Katie D (@KatieDeal99): Me before grocery shopping: Healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this.
Me during grocery shopping: They make chocolate filled marshmallows???
Adam (@YSylon): LEGO: We’re going to start making grownup play sets.
Me: Will it come with the time and energy necessary to complete it?
LEGO: LOL no.
Emily (@emily_tweets): Me at Best Buy: ‘Do you have any thought-cancelling headphones?’
Crow Magnom (@distracted_monk): This gig economy is making it hard to assemble a dependable team for my jewel heist.
Benny Boy (@Camel_Crushin): No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.
Natalie Would (@_NatalieWould): Sorry I’m late, nothing matters.
Riddle me this…
Q: Why did the boss enroll the office printing machine in an exercise class?
A: He wanted it to get toner.
Q: Why did the printer break up with the scanner?
A: Because it was copying everything.
Q: What happened to the printer supply salesman who dreamed about finding a brand new color of ink to sell?
A: He woke up and realized it was all a pigment of his imagination!
Q: Why did the ink cartridge go to therapy?
A: It was feeling a little drained.
Q: What did Cinderella say when her office printer malfunctioned?
A: “Don’t worry. I know someday my prints will come!”
Q: Why is the new printer always calm?
A: It has a lot of resolution.
Q: What’s a printer’s favorite punctuation mark?
A: The comma, because it gets to take a break.
“Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” – Jerry Seinfeld
