I feel very depressed and don’t know what to do in this situation. Please tell me how to solve this problem....
I am hurt
Dear Guru,
I am a 21-year-old university student, and I like a guy, J, who is a final-year student. When I joined the university, J helped me with a few things till I settled down. I was really grateful to him and we became friends. After a couple of month, J told me that he wanted to marry me. I was over the moon, as he is very good looking. I told him to speak to my brother, as my parents died when I was 14 and my brother and sister-in-law brought me up. He called my brother and talked to him and my brother invited him to dinner. J made a good impression and my brother okayed him, but asked him to send his parents with a formal proposal. J said his parents live in Multan and will come to Karachi in December, but they would call and give a formal proposal. His mother called and it was agreed that we will get engaged in December, because J’s sister will come to Pakistan in the winter break.
One day, when J was not around, a girl, S, who is in J’s class asked me what sort of a person J is. I was surprised, and asked her the reason for this inquiry. She told me that J had proposed to her and she was thinking about it. I disclosed my relationship to her and she became very upset. She informed me that J had been borrowing money from her and she had been giving him about five thousand rupees per month from her pocket money because she had believed he was serious about marrying her. I did not believe her, so she showed me the bank transfers she had made in the past six month to J. Guru, I am not very well off myself, but J has been borrowing money from me as well. I confronted J, but he denied borrowing money from S and said that it was S who was following him and he isn’t interested in her.
A week after I confronted him, he sent me a text message saying that he has changed his mind as I don’t trust him, and he cannot marry me. I am shattered at this deception. I still have a soft spot for him and cannot get over him, although I am trying hard. Then J called me again and said that he wants to maintain a relationship with me, as he cannot survive without talking to me at least once a day. I started talking to him again and since then, he has even asked me to lend him money a couple of times, which I did. My best friend has told me not to trust him.
So far, I have not told my family what has happened. My friend thinks I should not speak to him, so I stopped taking his calls on my cell. However, he calls at my landline and asks my sister to call me. I then have to talk to him because my sister doesn’t know about the break-up. I feel very depressed and don’t know what to do in this situation. Please tell me how to solve this problem.
Shattered Girl
Dear Shattered Girl,
I am sorry about the deception this guy perpetrated on you. It’s natural to feel hurt and betrayed. You were taken in by this guy who fleeced you as long as he could, but you are a sensible girl and with a little determined effort you will get over him. Since you know what sort of a person he is, you will forget him very quickly. One thing that girls should realize is that those guys who ask them for money directly or indirectly are not sincere. No self-respecting, decent guy ever asks a girl for money. The moment he made this a habit you should have realized that he was using you.
My dear, it was not very wise to accept the proposal on the basis of a phone call. After all, how could you be sure that it was his mother who had spoken to your brother? It seems that this guy is in the habit of fleecing gullible young females by promising marriage, and when he cannot get any further benefit from them, he moves on to other gullible girls. You must now give him a strong shut up call, and inform your family that you have broken up with him. You can tell them about S and I am sure your family will understand and sympathise. You may come in for a bit of scolding, but it would be better to inform your family members that you have been deceived. This would also put an end to his unwelcome calls on your landline.
Also, whatever he says, do not waste your hard-earned money on him. Just cut him off as if he never existed, as this guy is bad news. Unfortunate as they are, these things are a part of life. You had a bad experience, but not all men are like that. In time, you will find someone decent and forget this guy as a bad dream. Good luck
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