wit
* Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix): I get twice as many steps on my walks by quickly finding new routes to avoid my neighbours also on walks.
* Jesse Taylor Lewis (@torkum): I get the feeling that half the country takes away the wrong point from The Purge movies.
* Eize Basa (@PonchoRebound): Thank you to everyone posting about the Met Gala for reminding me to finally mute the phrase “understood the assignment.”
* Keara Sullivan (@superkeara): Whenever I wrote a creative short story in elementary school, I always named my main character Chloe, and still to this day whenever I meet a Chloe IRL I’m like… you will never be her.
* Toby (@tobestewart): If I stop posting online, I’ve probably gone back to ruining my life locally.
Three elderly ladies were discussing the trials of getting older.
One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich.”
The second lady chimed in, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down. “
The third one responded, “Well, I’m glad I don’t have that problem; knock on wood,” she raps her knuckles on the table, then says, “That must be the door, I’ll get it.”
“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you’re a good person is like expecting a bull not to attack you because you’re a vegetarian.” – Dennis Wholey