Something hopeful: I’m finding the situation in Gaza to be a lot less problematic now that, on reflection, I’ve become pro-genocide....
* Ben Acker (@bnacker): Hey Siri, make my AirPods fly into my ears like Iron Man armour from wherever they are.
* Nathan Tankus (@NathanTankus): Reporter: “Are the airstrikes against the Houthis working?”
Biden: “Well when you say ‘working’—are they stopping the Houthis? No. Are they going to continue? Yes.”
This might be the most concise summary of U.S. foreign policy available.
* Frankie Boyle (@frankieboyle): There is a rules-based international order, but the rules are do as the U.S. and its client states say or they’ll kill you.
* Charlie Skelton (@deYook):
Something hopeful: I’m finding the situation in Gaza to be a lot less problematic now that, on reflection, I’ve become pro-genocide.
* Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl): I got 99 problems and capitalism caused all of them.
Laugh lines
At a motivational seminar, three men are asked to come up to the stage.
They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was the great doctor of my time, and a great family man.”
The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference to the lives of children.”
The last guy replies, “I would like to hear them say… LOOK!!! HE’S MOVING!!!”
“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”
– Isaac Asimov
