San Francisco was cleaned in preparation for Xi’s arrival. It’s like when you “clear history” before letting someone use your computer....
* Jimmy Fallon (@jimmyfallon): My uncle would name each of the buttons on his pants, so every time he unbuttoned one after dinner, he’d call it out by name. “Ted, you are free to go.” (UNBUTTON).... “Kevin, you’re next ....” #MyFamilyIsWeird
* Bill Maher (@billmaher): San Francisco was cleaned in preparation for Xi’s arrival. It’s like when you “clear history” before letting someone use your computer.
* Dylan Farella (@dfarella): I believe in a better tomorrow where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
* Hugh Laurie (@hughlaurie): I’m out of the office until the best regain their conviction and the worst empty themselves of their passionate intensity.
“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Norman Wisdom
There was an elderly man visiting a doctor for his check-up. As he was leaving he asked the doctor if he could recommend a specialist for his wife.
“What’s wrong with her?” asked the doctor. The old man explained that her hearing was getting so bad that it was almost embarrassing. The doctor said he knew of several specialists that could help but he wanted the old man to do a little test when he got home to help the doctor determine the severity of her hearing loss. The doctor said “When you get home, make sure your wife’s back is turned to you and ask her a question. If she doesn’t respond walk closer and ask her again. Keep doing this until she answers and let me know the results”.
That night when the old man opened the door of his home, he could see his wife in the kitchen preparing dinner. She was at the counter with her back to the door. “What’s for dinner?” the old man asked. His wife did not respond, so he walks to the doorway of the kitchen and asked the question again. Still, he was greeted with silence. This time he walks up just behind her and asks once again “What’s for dinner?”
His wife spins around a bit agitated and says, “For the third time, fried chicken!!”
