Every time I leave my house, my phone sends me an alert that I have left my iPad behind....
* Rainn Wilson (@rainnwilson): Every time I leave my house, my phone sends me an alert that I have left my iPad behind. It’s very cute in a way. A little bit sad. Like they miss each other. It’s also very co-dependent and enmeshed. I mean, can you really not spend a couple of hours apart?!
* Bill Maher (@billmaher): So we got a Speaker of the House just in time for Congress to rush into action and send out thoughts and prayers.
* Frankie Boyle (@frankieboyle): There’s also the interesting question of whether you can have a war if one side doesn’t have an air force, navy, standing army, electricity, food, or water, and is a bunch of kids
* Michael Ian Black (@michae lianblack): I’m posting far less on here than I used to. Partly it’s the site itself and partly it’s the feeling that the world sucks and even talking about the world sucking invites people to tell you that you suck, too. It’s tiresome.
Points to ponder
“Most football players are temperamental. That’s 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental.” - Doug Plank
A convenience store needed to replace the fence on the back of the property, so the store’s guard called three contractors in to bid on it. When they arrived, he noticed each vehicle was from a different state. He didn’t think anything of it and took them around back to make a bid.
First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, ‘’Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.’’
Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, ‘’Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.’’
Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, ‘’$2,700.’’
The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, ‘’You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?’’
‘’Easy,’’ he said. ‘’$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Texas.’’
