* Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn): I was excited about the #IndiaVsPakistan match today. Too bad it got rained out.
* Nuff (@nuffsaidny): Everything I’ve learned about Will and Jada Pinkett Smith has been against my will.
* Shannon Woodward (@shannonwoodward): The funniest thing about being an actor who isn’t that famous is when I tell people I’m an actor, sometimes they say “good luck!” And I’m like LOL, imagine telling a plumber “good luck!” TBH, maybe we should?
* Frankie Boyle (@frankieboyle): Just a whole parade of talentless celebrities calling for genocide like a kind of reverse telethon.
* Marina Calculli (@marinacalculli): With liberals like these, who needs fascists.
Points to ponder
“By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates
A man goes to his doctor for a complete check-up. He hasn’t been feeling well and wants to find out if he is ill.
After the check-up, the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.
“I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re dying and you don’t have much time,” the doctor says.
“Oh no, that’s terrible. How long have I got?” the man asks.
“10…” says the doctor.
“10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!” he asks desperately.
“10…9…8…7…”