Xwit

* Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack): It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

* Jimmy Fallon (@jimmyfallon): For 364 days a year we tell our kids not to take candy from strangers and then we spend one night telling them “Forget what I said.”

* Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais): I wake up every morning wanting to save the world. Then I look at social media and I’m not so sure it’s worth it.

* Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn): Congratulations Pakistan. What a chase.

@iMRizwanPak and @imabd28 with wonderful centuries under pressure. #PAKvSL.

Rizwan bhai uglee dafa aap match se pehlay kayla kha lein.

Cramp nahin lagay gaa.

Points to ponder

“Oh God, if there be cricket in heaven, let there also be rain.”

– Alec Douglas-Home

Laugh lines

Swing and miss

A young cricketer was proud of his progress as a batsman and invited his mother-in-law along to watch him play, hoping to impress her.

At the crease, he turned to the wicketkeeper and said, “I’m anxious to do well and really hit this ball. That’s my wife’s mother over there.”

“Don’t be silly,” said the wicketkeeper. “You’ll never hit her from here.”