The thing that impresses me most about cooking programmes is that their baking trays are clean at the start rather than black with burnt on dinners of the past...
COMIC RELIEF
* Rainn Wilson (@rainnwilson): Someday Taylor Swift (@TaylorSwift) will wear pants at a concert - the chaos and confusion will convulse the multitudes, causing the destruction and death of western civilization.
* Sarah Millican (@SarahMillican75): The thing that impresses me most about cooking programmes is that their baking trays are clean at the start rather than black with burnt on dinners of the past.
* Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein): Elon’s story is an inspiring reminder that as long as your dad owns an apartheid emerald mine, you too can become the biggest loser on Earth.
Laugh lines The magician and the parrot
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: “Look, it’s not the same hat!” “Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table!” “Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?”
The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was the captain’s parrot, after all.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.
After a week the parrot finally said, “Okay, I give up. What did you do with the boat?”
Points to ponder
“A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn’t know.”
– H.L. Mencken
