May the force be with you!
One day there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver’s side door with him standing right there. “NOOO!” he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it would never be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling, “My jaguar’s door was just ruined by some foolish driver!” “You’re a lawyer, aren’t you?” asked the policeman.
“Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?” the lawyer asked.
“You lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn’t even notice that your left arm is missing, did you?” the cop said.
The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed, “MY ROLEX!”
Women are artists
Woman 1: Oh, you got a haircut! That’s so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you can easily get one of those layer cuts – they will look so cute on you. I was actually going to do that, except I was afraid it would ascend in my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh – that’s funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls who would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms – see how short they are? If I had your shoulders, I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.
Ain’t my dog!
A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch.
“Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” a jogger asks. The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, “Nope.”
As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins to snarl and growl, and then attacks the jogger’s legs. As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!”
The old man mutters, “Ain’t my dog!”
