I have a hunch that an outsider would have put me on the nerd list with all boxes checked to the end....
MENTAL HEALTH
School is the first place where we come face to face with the real world after leaving the cocoon of our parents’ love at a tender age. School teaches us how to interact with other humans and how to be a ‘human’. It’s our alma maters that give us the first taste of the strange practicality and independence we chase our whole life. But, along with all its poetic repertoire, there are other hideous things we stumble onto in school, and one of them is bullying.
Bullying is not a normal schoolyard issue with teenagers taking out their angst on each other. Many of us might have come across a subtle form of bullying that we shrugged off as teasing or banter. Schools have their own form of hierarchal system. A systemic classification that includes teachers’ pets, back-benchers, athletes, jokers, nerds and the dreaded bullies, to name a few. Despite all my pretentious antagonistic views about labeling that comes from my broody sense of otherness, I have a hunch that an outsider would have put me on the nerd list with all boxes checked to the end.
My 13-year-old self had borderline fleeting contact with verbal bullying in school. I remember the ‘conversation’ with my potential bully aka ‘Baji’ which could have been the turning point of my life, but luckily it wasn’t. I was sitting on the bench, engrossed in a novel. “Why are you reading in break time? What a little bookworm you are!” she said, startling me.
All her minions laughed, but I couldn’t. There was a look of smugness on her face as bullies love to make people embarrassed. “I am actually … I do love reading. Do you like Naseem Hijazi?” I replied, trying to add fake chirpiness in my voice and showing her my book cover. A scowl appeared on her face. She answered me with a clipped “NO” before turning away.
I gave myself an imaginary pat and glued my eyes back to the battered copy of Shaheen. We never crossed paths again, much to my non-existent displeasure. At that time, I didn’t know that life is not a Marvel comic and I am not a superhero that can defeat all the evil people crossing my path.
There is something predatory in humans: we love to suppress the weak. Bullies feed on vulnerabilities and fears. Their self-entitlement - along with the heightened power dynamics of classism - gives them the power to exploit others.
A great percentage of children face some sort of bullying in their life. Verbal bullying includes name-calling, body shaming and derogatory jokes. It gets more serious when the bully resorts to repetitive physical violence and abuse. Many teenage girls have to endure cyberbullying, making them live in a constant state of terror and paranoia.
Youth often get bullied for their colour, physical appearance and social class. The constant exposure to disparaging and humiliating situations can negatively influence the mental health of teens. It can cause behavioural and emotional disorders like depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and anorexia in victims.
The point to note is that bullies also have some sort of psychological issues and cruel tendencies that cause them to feel happiness at the misery of others. They may have faced domestic abuse or violence themselves while dealing with an internalised inferiority complex and externalised symptoms of aggression or anger. In this whole ecosystem of bullying, both abuser and victim need help.
But, if you are going through this, remember that your bully is not some sort of undefeatable monster. Don’t take bullying, waiting for the day when you would have the courage to retaliate. Tell your parents, teachers and guardians if someone is hurting you either mentally or physically. Please turn towards your support system and trust them. We all need help from time to time and it’s all right to seek it.
