Cold calculations

Those persons who by choice and design wish to remain distant, remote or withdrawn, from friends, colleagues, or even family are recognised as being aloof. The aloofness can also be induced by inherent shyness or it can be tactical move not to let any person intrude into personal space. Regardless of where it stems from, an aloof individual will appear to be detached and cold. They refrain to respond to any emotional demands. In the world of business and commerce there are numerous aloof persons; some are also for reasons of masking their real self. Mostly, any signal of aloofness is viewed within the ambit of rudeness. However, we can find in our work places, managers and supervisors, who are aloof, yet extremely polite in conversation and humble in demeanor.

In social psychology, the tendency to develop a preference for things or people, because they are familiar, is referred to as “familiarity principle”. A repeated exposure to an individual tends to breed familiarity that has within itself the potential to be misused. The relaxed friendliness or intimacy between people over a long period of time allows the discovery of negatives about each other; and the knowledge so acquired can be used against each other. No manager/supervisor wants colleagues to get so close, as to discover the dark side of his/her personality. It implies that as time goes on, people have more time to gather things they dislike about each other.

The display of being either a relaxed friendly person or of being aloof is also dependent upon the type of personality, an individual possesses, i.e, an extrovert or an introvert. Extroverts do not believe in keeping distance with colleagues, introverts protect their personal space with authority. A good manager combines in his personality a healthy mix of the two opposite traits. Aloofness and distancing, sometimes is a necessity to manage a workforce. The experience at work stations makes us discover the difference between a man of few words and a manager who suffers from an uncontrollable and lavish tongue. Most, emotionally intelligent managers, know the art and benefits of developing an aura, a sphere about themselves, that is tightly guarded, protected and does not allow for intrusion.

Is there a need for aloofness in the management of people? The answer, in my view is an emphatic YES. But how much of it is required? This is an area open for debate. Extreme aloofness can actually cause great harm in the development of a cohesive and well-understood business strategy. The boundaries of aloofness must meet the skirting of the plains of familiarity, without letting familiarity to overtake aloofness. It is a matter of great significance and a signal for caution, to make the proverbial ‘familiarity breeds incompetence’ a guiding principle in the management of human assets. To create and impress upon my readers, it is relevant to know, how this proverb has withstood the test of time. In ancient Rome, the writer Publilius used the expression, which almost a thousand years later was used by Pope Innocent III. In the English language, the great writer Geoffrey Chaucer used this expression in his work, The Tale of Melibee, in the 12th century. It is quite obvious, that it is in human psyche to use “familiarity’ for gains outside the ambit of acceptability. Hence, in the management of people, we exercise discretion to see that we do not encourage undue familiarity. An opposite school of thought subscribes to the view that, ‘familiarity breeds contentment’. I disagree with that proposition. Firstly, familiarity punctures the competitive spirit and secondly contentment leads to complacency and inertia.

To bring in some element of friendliness, managers indulge in small talk, with colleagues. I believe it is a healthy habit and shouldn’t be avoided. The tact is to keep it in reins. It is definitely motivational for the staff, when in conversations the supervisors enquire the well being of the families, by actually mentioning the names of spouse or offspring. But some become so generous in creating the ‘familiarity impact’ that they stretch it to know the birthdays, the names of schools or universities, their children go to or which of them is married and why those single ones are not getting married- they begin to act as marriage counselors - this is pure and direct intrusion into personal space. Never indulge into this area out of the misguided belief of seeking familiarity with the workforce.

As managers, it is best not to use the pathway of familiarity as the road to popularity. To be respected and liked regardless of the trait of possessing familiar interests or the lack thereof, the individual has to have charisma, a pleasing disposition and an attitude of cooperation. Respect is always greater from a distance. Intimacy lessens credibility. I have witnessed the misuse of familiarity by colleagues towards their supervisors. They stretch it, without license to giving of hi-five, patting on the back, cracking of jokes, sharing uncalled-for crass humor - this can all be really good for motivation, if done once in a while. If it becomes a routine, it drains the environment of professional behaviour.

An aloof attitude is often misconstrued to be an act of arrogance. Aloofness is seen as being the non-friendly type and is sometimes also called anti-social. It is not meant to indicate dislikes or preferences. Aloofness shouldn’t be a tool to manipulate colleagues. Nay, being aloof is to indicate, without motive, indifference, dis-concern, incuriousness, or it could very well be a reflection of neutrality of behavior emerging from lack of preference or even prejudice. Managers, who are aloof, are not per se, bad persons. Aloofness requires a certain degree of self-control. The need to remain positive and to possess the enabling trait of caging negativity cannot be underestimated. To move from aloofness to familiarity, bring to fore, the adage, ‘you should know a man seven years before you stir his fire’!

Managers, who are aloof by nature, must pay heed to be not taken as one having an attitude, or air of superiority. Or one who thinks of himself/herself as better than the rest is perceived to be proud of his/her knowledge, talent, skills, or even good looks.

It is not entirely true that aloof managers hamper the development of teamwork and also break down the growth of communication within the organisation. Hands off, aloof managers also have it in them that when they speak to you they speak to your heart. It is such an endearing trait to possess. Colleagues rush to such supervisors like the bees to the flowers. Looking at not too distant history, Charles de Gaulle, the architect of modern day France was aloof and shy. Churchill was bashful, eccentric, and always had a mouthful for not just the opponents, but for everybody he came in contact with. Mr Jinnah was aloof. He could when required appear as a cold slab of ice; however, his character, made of unalloyed steel, endeared him to his followers. He believed not in small talk. He was precise to the core.

Through the inherent haughtiness that accompanies the attitude of being aloof do not fatally wound your enthusiasm to achieve and to be successful. What is actually accomplished is always lower than what is aspired, but it is good to be in that equation because this reality keeps us inspired to get closer to our aspirations.

It is not necessary that managers, who are cold in clime, may be cold in blood. If encountered with a boss who is always like the man from the Arctic circle, giving you directions, with no emotions or the inspiring look, it must be recognised that ‘every heart has its secret sorrows’ which the world knows not, and often, the whole environment, unjustly conspires to call him, cold and aloof.

Underneath such exterior, as aloofness or familiarity, neither should possess and reflect the presence of a honey tongue, that shields an evil heart; or fine words that dress ill-deeds or an attitude of say well and think ill.

Often, detached attitude is a consequence of acquired personality defaults. “Reserve is an artificial quality…. that is developed in most as a result of innumerable rebuffs” (W. Somerset Maugham). The whole world surrenders to the person who is still in mind. “If a man makes me keep my distance, the comfort is, he keeps his at the same time” (Tagore).

Well timed aloofness is far better than pronounced familiarity.

The writer is a freelance contributor