An American goes to the station to catch the train. He finds a machine there with the sign “Put a dollar in the slot and the machine will tell you who you are”.
You’ve missed the train
An American goes to the station to catch the train. He finds a machine there with the sign “Put a dollar in the slot and the machine will tell you who you are”.
Curious, he inserts a dollar inside the slot and waits. The machine suddenly says, “You’re John Bull from New York; an accountant; 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You’re about to take the 2:30 train to Chicago.”
The man blacks out with the machine’s ability, so he decides to trick the machine. He wears a fake moustache and inserts another dollar inside the slot. “You’re John Bull from New York; an accountant; 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You’re about to take the 2:30 train to Chicago,” says the machine.
“But it’s impossible!” screams the man.
He rushes to the toilet and disguises himself as an Arab. Then he does the same routine.
“You’re John Bull from New York; an accountant; 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You’re about to take the 2:30 train to Chicago.”
Furious, he then disguises himself as a woman and inserts a dollar inside the slot.
“You’re John Bull; an accountant; 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos. And with your stupidity, you’ve missed the train!”
Bang, bang, bang!
Three heavyweight men - an American, an Englishman and a Japanese sumo wrestler - were going to commit suicide by jumping off the top of a building.
The American jumped off and shouted, “God save America!”
The Englishman jumped off and shouted, “God save the Queen!”
The Japanese sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted, “God save the person whom I land on!’’
This is the same pilot
Two hunters from Moscow charter a small plane to fly them to Siberia for bear hunting. Upon landing, the pilot says, “Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot and one bear.”
The hunters go out and return with two bears. So the pilot says, “I told you only one bear.”
But the hunters point out that last year, on payment of an extra 100 rubles, the pilot had let them put two bears on board. After a long discussion centering on the impossibility of fitting in two bears and the disgraceful degree of inflation, the pilot takes 200 rubles and with much pushing and shoving, the hunters get aboard with two bears.
After struggling in the air and flying for about two hours, the plane gives up and plummets to the earth in a snowbank. Climbing out from under the snow and the bears, the hunters ask the pilot where he thinks they are. The pilot says, “About the same place where we crashed last year.”
