A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood.
Porch or Porsche?
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. ‘Well, you can paint my porch! How much will you charge?’
The blonde said, ‘How about 50 dollars?’ The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, ‘Does she realise that the porch goes all the way around the house?’ The man replied, ‘She should as she is standing on it.’ A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. ‘You’re finished already?’ the man asked.
‘Yes,’ the blonde answered, ‘and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.’
Impressed, the man reached his pocket for $50. ‘And by the way,’ the blonde added, ‘it’s not a Porsche, it’s a Ferrari.’
The adventure begins
An old lady really wanted to visit England, the home of her ancestors, before she died. So she went to the Federal Office and asked for a passport. ‘You must take the loyalty oath first,’ the passport clerk said. ‘Raise your right hand, please!’ The old lady raised her right hand. ‘Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies - domestic or foreign?’
The sweet old face turned pale and the voice trembled as she responded, ‘Well, I guess so, but...will I have help, or will I have to do it all by myself?’
The parrot learns a lesson
David received a parrot on his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. The one that wasn’t expletive was to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got angrier and ruder. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream, and then there was silence. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out and said, ‘I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’ll endeavour at once to correct my behaviour. I am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness.’
David was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, ‘May I ask what did the chicken do?’
