My father is against my education
Dear Guru,
I am a regular reader of your column and your way of giving solutions is simply awesome. I am a 21-year-old boy and I belong to a lower middle class family. I did BSc last year and now I want to do Masters, as I am very keen to get higher education. But the problem is my father - he is against my education and he does not want me to study further. Actually, my father is a shop owner and he wants me to leave my studies and help him out in running the shop. Since he is not literate himself, he does not understand the value of education; for him, money is everything. According to him one must earn well and at the end of day it all comes down to money whether one is educated or not. He does not seem to understand my point of view. Already, I have wasted my one year and I don’t want to miss the admission date of the university, which is in April. I am very confused as my father is pressurising me to leave my studies and start working. My mother is also helpless in this regard as my father runs the house, and he is also controlling by nature. I feel as if I have been trapped. Guru, please tell me how I can persuade my father to let me study further.
Trapped Student
Dear Trapped Student,
It’s heartening to know that you want to achieve higher education despite your father’s opposition. However, you must try to tackle the situation sensibly. You should not offend your father as he is the one who has been supporting you financially throughout these years and because of his support you are a graduate today. So, you must thank him for all he has done for you so far. If you think from his point of view, he is also right. See, he has given you the compulsory education and now he wants you to work, which is fair enough. He has been working hard throughout his life to give his children a decent living so now he is justified in asking you to help him out. He knows the value of money but since he is not that well-read, you cannot make him understand the worth of education. The best thing you can do in these circumstances is to start working at your father’s shop part time and take admission in evening classes in university. There are so many institutes and universities who offer evening courses to students who have jobs in day time. You can study and work at the same time but you need to be focused and persistent. When your father sees your determination, he will be convinced that his son is serious about his studies and will stop pushing you to help him at his shop. But, for that to happen, you have to do it practically. Hopefully things will turn out in your favour. Good luck!
Confidential
Dear Confused Scorpio,
Thanks for writing to Guru once again. Thanks for acknowledging my advice. After reading your very long letter I have come to one conclusion: your mother should get divorce from your father. Even if she was divorced once, she has the right to take divorce once again as it is permissible in our religion. There is no point living a miserable life and making others’ lives unhappy, too. Your mother is not only spoiling her life but yours too by enduring her husband’s cruel behaviour. She is well aware of her husband’s promiscuous nature and it’s about time she should stand up for her rights. When she is financially independent, and has her own house then it is beyond my comprehension what’s stopping her from taking divorce from a man who has no respect for her! Why is she still putting up with all the nonsense? She should not worry about you as whoever likes you will marry you regardless of the fact that your mother has been divorced. Your father knows that your mother is weak and can’t leave her and that’s why he is taking undue advantage of her weakness. It is basically your mother’s fault that despite being educated she is not willing to raise voice against the unjust behaviour of your father. You all are suffering because of her. I think you must talk to your mother and sort out this matter. Do not worry about what others will say. Remember that your life is in your hands, and if you want to live in peace then tell your mother to leave your father. This is the only solution of your woes. You need to be brave and you have to give your mother all the necessary moral courage and support which she may need from her daughter in this hour. Good luck!
