I don’t want to marry my fiancé
Hi Guru,
I am a 24-year-old graduate girl. I belong to a middle class family. I got engaged to my cousin while I was in college. I said yes to his proposal as at that time I was only 18 and I had no idea what I really wanted from life. Now, the problem is that I have started to like another boy, H. He is very good looking and I want to marry him. He is also serious about me. But the biggest problem is that I am engaged. I have told my parents to call off this engagement, but they are quite conservative and they are pressurising me to get married to my cousin who is well established. On the other hand, H is still jobless but he has promised me that he would settle down soon. Guru, I am very confused. I don’t know what to do. Should I wait for H or should I go for an arranged marriage. I don’t want to hurt my parents, but at the same time I don’t want to leave H. I don’t like my fiancé and his mother. I only love H. My family knows about H but they are adamant that I should marry my cousin. I am an adult and I can make my own decision. What do you say?
Confused Girl
Dear Confused Girl,
I can understand your feelings for H and there is no doubt about H’s sincerity. You are an adult and by all means you have a right to marry out of your own choice. However, if you think realistically there seem very bleak chances of you tying the knot with H. Dear, you need to understand that to live with the man of your dream only ‘love’ is not sufficient. You will also need a steady income and home to live a decent life. Right now, H has no job and he is unable to take a stand for you. On the other hand, your fiancé is earning well and he has a secure future. Now, put yourself in your parents’ shoes and then think. If you were a parent whom would you choose for your daughter? Someone who is jobless or someone who is well settled? Of course you would choose the well-off guy. So, your parents are not wrong. Keep your emotions aside dear and think practically. Even if you get married to H somehow, do you think you will be able to live happily without your parents’ blessings? Do you think you will be able to survive without money? These are important issues which you need to address with an open mind. I guess your fiancé is not that bad either. I advise you to go for this marriage. I know you will not like the idea now but believe me after few years down the road you will thank Guru for saving your life from unnecessary troubles and tensions. Good luck!
She thinks I am a loafer
Dear Guru,
I am an 18-year-old boy. I am a student of B.A and study in a renowned college of Dadu. I read your column regularly. Guru, a year ago I fell in love with a very beautiful girl. She was my class fellow. She also paid attention to me so I assumed that she also liked me. I sent her an SMS in which I expressed my love to her. She really got angry and stopped talking to me. She thought that I was also one of those loafers who just harass girls, but that was not the case. I was very hurt as my feelings were genuine. Anyway, I realised my mistake and I also apologised, but she did not accept my apology.
Now it’s been a year and she is still angry with me. Guru, I don’t love her anymore; I just want her to remain my friend, but she is not in a conciliatory mood. She has been so stubborn. What should I do to make her believe that I am not a loafer?
Disenchanted Boy
Dear Disenchanted Boy,
Falling in love is a very natural process and you haven’t done any crime by expressing your feelings to her. However, the moment you realised that she wasn’t interested in you, you backed out and apologised which shows that you are a decent guy. You did the right thing as there is no compulsion in matters of heart. Now, you also move on. You do not need to prove to her that you are not a scoundrel. She will get to know it with the passage of time. The important point is your heart is clear. Forget thinking of befriending her again; she will never be friends with you as she seems like a stuck up girl. If she loses you, it will be her loss, not yours. Good luck!
