Dear Nadine,
I am a 30-year-old married woman, and I have three children. My problem is that I live in a joint family and I hate living with my in-laws. I have been married for seven years and have not known a moment of peace. My married sisters-in-law are like permanent guests, as are the relatives of my parents-in-law. My two older children go to school. They are twins and need constant attention. My third one is a daughter who is only one, but I have to look after her as well. With all the house work and guests dropping by like flies in summer, I feel I have no time to spend with my husband and even my children.
My husband’s younger brother is about to get married and I am at my wits’ end. My three sisters-in-law are practically living in our house and with my children’s exam going on I feel like tearing out my hair, or theirs!
I have been very patient and have a good reputation among my husband’s relatives but I want out. How can I do it without creating a mess?
Disgruntled Bahu
Dear Disgruntled Bahu,
No one should blame you for wanting some peace and quiet, but the minute you open your mouth and say that you want to split, your good image will undergo a change. So, the best thing is to talk to your husband about your problems and if possible let him come up with the idea that since your children need your undivided attention, you people should think of moving out. If your husband does not ‘come up’ with the perfect solution, you will have to tell him what needs to be done to ensure that your children get your attention since they are growing up. Tell your husband that you don’t have a problem with his family, but for the sake of your children you feel compelled to have your own place. He will understand that because he must be aware of his sisters’ habit of disrupting your household. Your brother-in-law is getting married and this may provide you with an opportunity to get your independence. He would probably need more space since he is getting married, or may be your room is bigger and he would welcome it? Air these thoughts and see what your husband does. If your husband tells his family it’s his idea, your reputation will remain intact. Otherwise, just think that it is not always possible to have your cake and eat it, too. Best of luck!
Problems that need a solution?
You can e mail Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.com
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