COMIC RELIEF

Stop cheating, Johnny!

One day in class, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test and said, “Johnny, I have a feeling that you have been cheating in your tests.”

Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it.

“Well,” said Mr. Johnson, “I was looking over your test. The question was ‘Who was our first president?’, and the little girl who sits next to you, Mary, put ‘George Washington’ and so did you.”

“So, everyone knows that he was the first president.”

“Well, just wait a minute,” said Mr. Johnson. “The next question was, ‘Who freed the slaves?’ Mary put ‘Abraham Lincoln’ and so did you.”

“Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that,” said Johnny.

“Wait, wait,” said Mr. Johnson. “The next question was, ‘Who was the president during the Louisiana Purchase?’ Mary put ‘I don’t know’ and you put ‘Me neither’.”

 

The perks of being over 60

•  Kidnappers are not interested in you.
•  In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
•  No one expects you to run – anywhere.
•  People call at 9 pm and ask, “Did I wake you up?”
•  There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
•  You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
•  You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
•  Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
•  Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
•   Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

Truth well told!

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realises he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

The man below says, “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

“You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist.

“I do,” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist. “Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s of no use to anyone.”

The man below replies, “You must work in management.”

“I do,” replies the balloonist. “But how’d you know?”

“Well”, says the man. “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”