COMIC RELIEF
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?” She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”
“No,” he said. “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”
“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.
“I mean,” he continued. “What are your relations like?”
“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”
He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”
“No,” she replied. “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”
“Please,” he tried again. “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.”
“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”
“Yes,” she responded. “About twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”
“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me!”
The poor Indian!
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?” “Yeah,” says the other cowboy. “Look,” says the first one. “He’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.”
Just then the Indian looks up. “Covered wagon,” he says. “About two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.” “Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. “This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what colour they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!”
The Indian looks up and says, “Ran over me about half an hour ago.”
Why don’t you just die?
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. One day he opened his eyes and motioned her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, with his eyes full of tears, “You know, what? You have been with me in all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know, what?”
“What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you’re bad luck.”
Compiled by Usama Rasheed
