My parents are pressurising me
Dear Guru,
I am 22 years old. I am doing MBBS from a well-reputed medical college. I belong to an upper middle class, educated family. Both my parents are doctors and hence becoming a doctor was my natural choice. I studied really hard to get admission in a medical college. This is my final year and I am very happy that I will become a doctor soon. Guru, recently I have received a nice proposal. He’s an engineer who is well settled in USA. The guy’s family is also very decent and from every angle this is an ideal proposal for any girl as H (my prospective hubby) is also good looking. However, I have my reservations, because H wants his future wife to stay at home. When he came to our house with his family, he clearly told my parents that he does not want me to practice after marriage. He wants an educated wife but not a working one. My parents are considering this proposal. Though they are doctors themselves, they are only thinking as parents. They are satisfied that my future will be secure; they are least bothered about my happiness. Guru, I have spent so many years in studying and I want to pursue my career. In fact, I have plans to set up my own clinic in future. I don’t want to marry H. How can I persuade my parents? They are pressurising me to say yes. Tell me, do I have a right to say no?
Doctor in Distress
Dear Doctor in Distress,
My dear, do not take so much stress, as this is just a proposal. I can understand your parents’ point of view. Like all parents, they are concerned about your future as these days it is hard to find good matches and they find this guy a suitable candidate for you. But then, it is about your life and career and if you are not happy then no one can pressurise you to go against your will. You have all the right to say no to this proposal. You must talk to your parents about this issue. Don’t remain quiet; if you want to pursue your career then you must take a stand. Tell your parents that you are not ready to sacrifice your career because of one proposal. Tell them that they should not worry about you as you are mature enough to see what’s good for you. I think it’s better if you marry a doctor who can understand you. Normally, there is a better compatibility between couples who are both doctors. You can quote the examples of your own parents. And, despite all your efforts, if your parents are not convinced then just call the guy and straightaway refuse him. I know by doing this you will face the wrath of your parents. But it’s better to take their fury now then to settle for something which you will regret later in life. Good luck!
She has changed
Salam Guru,
I am 24 years old. I am a business graduate and am working in the marketing department as junior executive in a private firm. I have been in love with S for the past four years. She is 21 years old and is very beautiful. She happens to be our neighbour. She is a graduate and now teaches in a school. Guru, I have all the intentions to marry her, but I have told her I will need at least 4-5 more years to settle down. Right now, my salary is not enough and I am still financially dependent on my parents. She has also promised to wait for me. But, of late, I have noticed a change in her behaviour. She has become very quiet. It seems as if she has found some one rich. I love her so much that I cannot find the courage to ask her directly. I am suspecting she is seeing some one. Guru, I am so tensed. She is so pretty, any one can fall for her. I don’t want to lose her. What should I do?
Confused Chap
Dear Confused Chap,
A relationship is based on trust. Four years are long enough to get to know each other. And, by this time, you should know what type of girl S is. Had she been materialistic, she would not have wasted four years with you. And she is patiently waiting for you to settle down. There may be a number of reasons of her changed behaviour. May be she has some family issues which she cannot discuss with you, or may be she is being pressurised by her parents to get married. Since she does not want to give unnecessary tension to you, she is just keeping all her problems to herself. So, instead of suspecting her, talk to her frankly. Ask her what is bothering her. Your peace of mind is in your hands. So, go talk to her and clear your mind. Good luck!
