Billy porter recalls 'debilitating shame' over HIV diagnosis

Actor Billy Porter has opened up about his struggle with HIV since 2007.

Speaking to Tamron Hall in her self-titled show, the star shared that he felt shame over revealing his diagnosis saying that he was “supposed to know better”.

“The shame is debilitating… The shame engulfed me. I had stomach issues for 14 years and nobody could figure out what or why. My stomach just felt like it was always in knots,” he said.

“It felt like there was a hand on my heart squeezing every day, all day, every morning … Shame is a destroyer. It destroys everything.”

The host revealed that the Pose star had “called me a couple of weeks ago” assuming that he wanted to “team up on Zoom” for a charity event but Billy said: “I got something else to share that I’ve been holding for 14 years.”

Speaking about his Pose character Prey, who also is an HIV sufferer, Billy shared the moment when his character learned of his diagnosis.

“This is the moment that I dreaded most. Dodged it. For years. And, now the son of a [expletive] has finally caught up with me.”

“That’s what I speak of when I speak of the gift that ‘Pose’ has been for me — the idea of understanding that trauma is not something that you compartmentalize or disassociate from, which I am so good at doing,” he said.

“The trauma started so early for me — the only muscle I had until recently was to disassociate and compartmentalize, and keep moving forward.”