AR Rahman considered committing suicide every day until the age of 25

Oscar-winning Indian music composer AR Rahman has mustered immense fame during his life. However, in a recent interview, the famed music maestro shared he considered committing suicide almost every day, according to a report published in Hindustan Times.

The music prodigy, speaking about how he used to think he’s a failure, said, “Up until 25, I used to think about suicide. Most of us feel that we’re not good enough. I lost my father so there was always this void. There were so many things happening and in a way, it made me fearless. Death is permanent. Since everything has an expiry date, there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

However, Rahman's life turned a new leaf when he built his recording studio in his backyard in Chennai.

“Before that, things were dormant so may be it the feeling manifested then. Because of my father’s death and the way he was working, I didn’t do many films. I did two out of 35. Everyone wondered ‘How are you going to survive? You have everything, grab it.’ I was 25 then. I couldn’t do that. It’s like eating everything. You become numb. So even if you eat small meals, you make it fulfilling.”

Rahman lost his father R K Shekhar, who was also a musician, at the tender age of nine. Shekhar’s family had to sell his music instruments to make a living. It was then when Rahman decided to carry the legacy of his father forward.

He continued, “I finished everything between the age of 12 to 22. It was boring for me to do all the normal stuff. I didn’t want to do it.”

Before making his debut as a composer in Mani Ratnam’s Roja in 1992, Rahman and his family embraced Sufi Islam. He also changed his name from Dileep Kumar to what the entire world knows as A R Rahman.

Speaking about his original name, Rahman said, “I never liked my original name Dileep Kumar. I don’t even know why I hated it. I felt it didn’t match my personality. I wanted to become another person. I felt like that would define and change my whole being. I wanted to get rid of all the past luggage.”

Rahman has articulated his thoughts and sentiments about the crucial times in his life in his biography titled ‘Notes of a Dream’ written by Krishna Trilok which was launched in Mumbai this Saturday.