He is so possessive
Dear Guru,
I am a 19-year-old girl. I am studying in third year in a well reputed college. I am engaged and will get married next year, after completing my B.A. My fiancé, R, is a 24-year-old rich guy. Actually, he is our family friend and I had no objection when he proposed to me. My friends envy me as R is not only rich but good looking, too. They say that we make the perfect couple as I happen to be beautiful as well. R belongs to a business family so he has naturally inherited sharp business skills. Guru, everything seems like a fairytale but with a hitch. My fiance is way too possessive about me. He is very authoritative and likes to boss around. He treats me like a princess, but he also treats me like I am a ‘no-body’. He believes that I am now totally under his control. He keeps checks on my comings and goings. Guru, we have been engaged for eight months, and in these eight months I have lost many friends. He does not want me to be friends with everyone. He wants me to behave in a certain way and wants me to mingle with only high-class people. He does not even like it when I talk to my male cousins. He says that he loves me passionately and he cannot stand any male figure in my life other than my father and brothers. He also wants me to go shopping with him so that I only buy stuff that he likes. This is kind of suffocating me. My friends tell me that I won’t get such an ideal proposal again. Little do they know that I have to say yes to every little thing he says and that becomes irritating at times. Tell me what I should do. I want to marry him, but am afraid of his tantrums. I am so confused.
Cinderella
Dear Cinderella,
When one is getting married two things are most important – financial stability and mental compatibility. R seems like a perfect guy superficially, but he is not the right guy for you. He is way too immature and stubborn. What’s the point of having so much money when you cannot spend it the way you want to? He may buy you expensive gifts but then you are paying a heavy price by nodding your head on each and everything that he says. Wake up, girl, you have a life of your own. You are a pretty, intelligent young girl and you can get a much better guy than him. He cannot own or posses you. You are not a doll or dummy. I don’t think there is any mental compatibility between the two of you. Can you spend the rest of your life with an egoistic man who does not give any importance to your likes and dislikes? In any relationship, respect is an important element and I see total absence of it in your case. I suggest that you call off this engagement. However, at the end of the day, the choice is yours. If you are okay with the way you are being treated then fine, go for. If not, then take a stand before it’s too late. Good luck!
My father does not let me drive
Salaam Guru,
I am a regular reader of your column and I really love the way you solve teenagers’ problems. I am 16 years old and am studying in O Level. I belong to an upper-middle class family. I am youngest among my siblings. My problem is that my father does not let me drive the car. According to him young boys should not drive cars unless they get the driving licence. I understand this, but all my friends drive and their fathers have no objection. I feel very embarrassed in front of my friends. I cannot wait another two years to get the licence. What should I do? How can I convince my father to let me drive?
Crazy Lad
Dear Crazy Lad,
I can understand your dilemma. Young boys like to drive and explore. You seem like a good boy who understands his father’s point of view but then when you see your friends you get tempted because of peer pressure. I think you must listen to your father. He is a sensible man and he knows what is good for you. Be patient; you will get all the freedom in due time. In USA you cannot enter any club unless you are 18 or above. Theirs is a free society but they also follow strict rules and regulations. Don’t follow the examples of your friends who are law breakers. Look at the civilised societies where people follow law. So, instead of grumbling, look for an alternative solution. Start cycling. It’s a good exercise and you will look unique and prominent among your friends. Good luck!