COVER STORY
The rollercoaster ride that was 2019 saw humankind face many ups and down.
We yearned for change but didn’t always know how to achieve it. We spoke against injustice, but it often felt like no one was listening. We tried to shoot for the stars but kept crash landing on the Moon. We witnessed the biggest entertainment events of all time but were almost invariably left disappointed. (Also, tomatoes were really expensive, y’all.)
As the Sun sets on the year, here’s a look back at the highs and lows the world experienced in the last 365 days …
January
- Lunar probes: Our continued attempts to turn our Solar System into a junkyard were focused this year on our very own natural satellite. While China’s successful Chang’e 4 did fulfil its mission of becoming the first human-made object to land on the far side of the Moon (January), Israel’s Beresheet (April) and India’s Chandrayaan-2 (September) were much less fortune; the landers of both were destroyed upon impact on the Lunar surface.
- Bezos’ divorce: The world’s richest man became slightly less rich after the most expensive divorce ever. Amazon founder Jeff Bezos and his wife MacKenzie parted ways, ending a marriage that lasted a quarter of a century. Jeff kept 75 percent of the couple’s Amazon stock, while MacKenzie got 25 percent of the stock (and, we presume, a lifetime membership of Prime) worth $35.6 billion, making her the third richest woman in the world.
No word yet on who got custody of Alexa.
February
- India-Pakistan tension: (Violators of human rights) India and (makers of fantastic tea) Pakistan came to the brink of war in February. A few days after an attack in Pulwama killed 40 Indian security personnel, India conducted airstrikes – marking the first time that warplanes of either country crossed the Line of Control since the 1971 Indo-Pak war – targeting purported militant camps in Balakot and killing hundreds of imaginary, invisible terrorists. Pakistan retaliated the following day, shot down an actual, real Indian plane, arrested its tea-aficionado pilot, then released him two days after he was captured.
Later in the year (August), India raised concerns after revoking the special status of Jammu and Kashmir and cutting off communication lines in the Kashmir Valley; the plight of the Kashmiris still remains troubling. Pakistan, on the other hand, established the Kartarpur Corridor (October) allowing Indian Sikh pilgrims to easily visit religious locations across the border.
March
- Ethiopia plane crash: Tragedy struck when an aircraft bound for Nairobi crashed shortly after takeoff from Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, killing all 157 people on board in the deadliest aviation accident of 2019.
Earlier in the year (January), Argentine footballer Emiliano Sala died in a light aircraft crash in the English Channel.
- Christchurch shootings: The evil of violence inspired by intolerance reared its ugly head several times in 2019.
In the deadliest mass shootings in modern New Zealand history, a white supremacist gunman killed 51 people and injured 49 in attacks at a mosque and Islamic centre while live-streaming the incident on Facebook.
Weeks later, a series of coordinated suicide bombings at eight locations – three churches, three luxury hotels, and later a housing complex and a guest house – in Sri Lanka on Easter left 259 people dead and over 500 injured (April).
- Billie Eilish’s success: 2019 saw the meteoric rise of 17-year-old American singer (and #1 Justin Bieber fan) Billie Eilish. She became pop’s biggest newcomer when she took out her Invisalign and released When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?, an album she made with her brother, Finneas O’Connell, in the latter’s bedroom. Led by the inescapable hit ‘bad guy’ (duh!), her debut ended up becoming the most successful album of the year.
2019 also brought fame to Scottish singer Lewis Capaldi, who ruled the year with his debut set, Divinely Uninspired to a Hellish Extent.
Elsewhere, Lil Nas X ruffled country music feathers with the year’s biggest hit ‘Old Town Road’, Tones and I shone with ‘Dance Monkey’, while Lizzo was 100% that b****. And purveyor of premier beigness Ed Sheeran wrapped up his ÷ Tour which became the highest-grossing and most attended concert tour in history.
April
- Avengers: Endgame release: 2019 was the year of endings. Bad endings.
After 11 years and 22 films, Marvel’s Infinity Saga culminated in Endgame, the biggest cinematic event that has ever befallen humankind. The film (very, very unsurprisingly) became the highest grossing movie of all time, making nearly $2.8 billion worldwide, and was visually stunning, emotionally exhausting, exhilaratingly tense, and also infuriatingly convoluted and utterly confusing.
But The Rise of Skywalker, the final instalment in the Star Wars sequel trilogy, fared much worse and downright infuriated fans of the franchise (although they were blessed with Baby Yoda earlier this year, so that’s something at least). The final season of the television series Game of Thrones also received ire and saw critical reception plummet with some of the worst-reviewed episodes of the entire series.
2019 was also the year of Disney remakes. Bad Disney remakes.
Dumbo, Aladdin, The Lion King, Lady and the Tramp. Uninspired. Hollow. Soulless. Unnecessary. And immensely successful, because us viewers, we’re clearly a bunch of idiots.
- Julian Assange arrest: Cyber activist/Russian stooge/hero journalist/anarchist villain/general pain in America’s behind, Julian Assange was evicted from the Ecuadorian embassy. After nearly seven years of giving him asylum, Ecuador rescinded their protection of the Wikileaks founder, who was then arrested in London and indicted for computer-related crimes and espionage. He now faces possible extradition to the US – where whistleblower Chelsea Manning has also been jailed since May for refusing to testify regarding Wikileaks – and is reportedly in ill health.
May
- UK political turmoil: The never-ending story known as Brexit continued to cause a political kerfuffle in Britain. Theresa May’s resignation led to Boris Johnson’s rise to power, and the country’s third general election in less than five years (December).
Johnson also got the chance to meet Donald Trump at the G7 Summit (August) where the two leaders supposedly traded notes on hair care.
Also, lots of couples had children. All were equally precious. None of them were more important based on their lineage. Because this is the 21st century.
- Tarder Sauce death: It wasn’t a good year to be a famous cat. The Internet became a sadder place when beloved meme generator Tarder Sauce, a.k.a. Grumpy Cat, died in May, just a month after the death of popular litle creacher Peepee the Cat. A few days later, Pet Sematary star Leo died, only weeks after the release of the film. And famous feline Lil Bub also crossed over the rainbow bridge later in the year (December).
Maru, we’re guessing, spent the year bubble-wrapped in a sterilized room with padded walls.
June
- Politician arrests: Pakistani politicians kept going in and out of prison.
Asif Ali Zardari was among those arrested over corruption charges.
Altaf Hussain was arrested in London (July) over hate speech charges.
Later in the year (December), Pervez Musharraf was sentenced to death over treason charges.
Meanwhile, Nawaz Sharif was granted bail to pursue medical treatment.
- Hong Kong protests: 2019 was a very turbulent year for Hong Kong. The attempts to force a controversial extradition bill (March) – that raised concerns about China’s ability to arrest political dissenters – sparked massive protests in Hong Kong that escalated over the months. By June, hundreds of thousands of people were demonstrating against the statute as well as the ensuing police misconduct. Even though the bill was eventually withdrawn, the protest movement continued for the rest of the year as the government’s approval ratings plunged.
Protests also grabbed Sudan, where dictator Omar al-Bashir was removed from power (April) amidst unrest. A contentious new citizenship law meant to undermine Muslims also sparked large protests in India (December). Other regions where citizens took to the streets included Venezuela, Haiti, Algeria, Indonesia, Iraq, Ecuador, Catalonia, Chile, and Bolivia. And we also had an Azaadi March in Pakistan (October) to oust Imran Khan over alleged vote rigging and rising inflation; it achieved a whole lot of nothing.
July
- Cricket World Cup: England and Wales hosted the 2019 Cricket World Cup, the tournament that gave us the sporting moment of this – or frankly any – year in the form of the last over of the historic final, where New Zealand lost to their biggest foes: ridiculous ICC rules and poor umpiring.
August
- Amazon wildfires: The ongoing widespread fires in the Amazon rainforest led to the loss of hundreds of thousands of hectares of forestation and caused international concern in August.
Also, beginning in August, Australia saw massive bushfires that burned millions of hectares. Rescued koala Lewis became a symbol of the devastating fires; his death broke many hearts, while the future of his species remained in danger.
Fire was also responsible for damage to the iconic Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris (April); the historic building sustained serious damage.
September
- Climate change protests: The environmental impact of human activities was a hot topic in 2019, although meaningful change remained elusive.
Extinction Rebellion spent the year using nonviolent civil disobedience to protest against climate breakdown and biodiversity loss. And Swedish teenager and climate activist Greta “How Dare You!” Thunberg – who found a way to skip school and become the envoy of all children everywhere – became the Shouter in Chief of the climate change movement because the most antagonizing, divisive person must be the face of all important issues, obviously.
October
- Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi’s death: Something very big happened in October when a very bad guy was killed.
Another very bad guy promptly took his place.
And business as usual.
November
- Air pollution: Airpocalypse struck the subcontinent as India and Pakistan continued their rivalry by competing for the most toxic air in the world. Pollution hit record levels across the border; Delhi ended up with the worst air of any major city in the world. But not to be outdone, Lahore took the title of the world’s most unbreathable city (Number one! Number one!) in November, with air quality several times worse than what is considered safe for humans and animals.
December
- Russia doping ban: The World Anti-Doping Agency slapped Russia with a four year ban from major international sporting events for doping offences. Head dope Vladimir Putin wasn’t best pleased.
- Trump impeachment: Extremely stable genius Donald Trump proved that he was the greatest stupidest of all presidents by getting impeached for abuse of power and obstruction of Congress. Only the third president in U.S. history to be impeached, he now awaits a Senate trial while campaigning for re-election.
And so it went, 2019. Good old 2019. A year that knew it wanted something better but didn’t quite manage to get there.
Now on to the next one.
Happy New Year, everyone! Make it a good one.