* Rodney Lacroix (RodLacroix): Mechanic: Your car won’t pass inspection.
Me: Here’s $20 to look the other way.
Mechanic [looking the other way]: Your car won’t pass inspection.
* Keara Sullivan (superkeara): I’ve decided to go for a Japanese tea house tatami mat minimalist decor vibe in the living room. And no, this decision has nothing to do with me recently discovering how expensive chairs are. This is a purely aesthetic choice.
* Abby Heugel (AbbyHasIssues): My personal style could best be described as “I wasn’t expecting to leave the house.”
* The Angel (Angel_150913): Anyone else’s teenagers come home after school and act like they’ve just done 12 hours of hard manual labour?
* Natalie Would (_NatalieWould): We’re all in the same boat, but some of us are wearing diamond encrusted life jackets.
Riddle me this…
Q: Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?
A: Because he was always spotted.
Q: Why are frogs always so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them.
Q: What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
A: You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.
Q: Why do the French eat snails?
A: They don’t like fast food.
Q: What did the duck say when she bought lipstick?
A: Put it on my bill.
Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.
Q: Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?
A: Their bats flew away.
Q: How come oysters never donate to charity?
A: Because they are shellfish.
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.
“I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. Rich is better.” – Sophie Tucker