I am facing a tough situation
Dear Guru,
I am an ardent fan of your column. I am a 25-year-old bachelor. I have done MBA and working in a private firm as marketing executive. I belong to a middle-class family and as such I have no worries in life. However, I have been facing a tough situation since two months. Actually, both my parents want me to settle down. My mother wants me to get engaged with my Khala`s daughter K. Since my Khala lives in USA, I don’t have much interaction with my cousin. Last time when K visited Pakistan, she was 16, now she is 21. I have heard that she is a nice, well-mannered girl. But the problem is that my dad is against this proposal. He wants me to marry his niece P who lives in Lahore. So, there is a kind of rift going on between my parents over my marriage issue. Guru, I am not interested in anyone else but I don’t want to get married unless my parents agree on the same person. Though my parents say that it will be my decision, they have told me so much negative stories about people who get married outside of their family that quite frankly I have no idea what to do any more. Seriously, I am caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. If I say yes to K, my father will get upset and if I say yes to P then my mother will get hurt. Guru, I don’t want to offend anyone. I am so stressed out. Please tell me what to do?
Eligible Bachelor
Dear Eligible Bachelor,
Don’t fret young man. You are an independent, sensible man. Marriage is an important decision of one’s life. Your life is in your own hands, if you want to make your life easy, then simply tell your parents that at this stage you are not mentally prepared for marriage and you need few more years to settle down. Tell them politely but firmly, without being disrespectful towards them, that you would like to focus on your career and you are not ready yet for this kind of commitment. You need to be assertive in order to get out of this tensed situation. Since you do not want to offend any of your parents, then it’s better if you just excuse yourself. I know your parents love you and want best for you but they also need to understand that you are a grown-up man with a mind of his own. Good luck!
Should I listen to my mom?
Hello Guru,
I am an 18-year-old college-going girl. I belong to a middle-class family. I love the way you solve teenagers’ problems. Hope, you solve my problem too. Actually, I really like my best friend’s brother - H who is two years older than me and is also studying. He also likes me a lot. Recently, I went out with him alone in a restaurant for the first time and was caught red-handed by my mother. Incidentally, she was also there with few of her friends. My mother did not create a scene there and was gentle with me. But when we reached home, she told me to break up with H and also took away my cell phone. My mother hasn’t told my father about my clandestine affair but she is expecting me to stop talking with H. My mother says that I have hurt her feelings and it will be difficult for her to trust me again. Guru, I am very confused. I really like H but I don’t want to cheat my mother again. Should I listen to my mother and stop talking with H or should I listen to my heart and continue my little affair?
Disturbed Girl
Dear Disturbed Girl,
I think you must listen to your mother. Being a sensible mother, she did not tell your father and saved you from your father’s wrath. She did a huge favour to you by not putting restrictions on you and only took away your mobile. Had your father came to know about your affair, you would have been grounded for many years. Please listen to your mother and stay away from H. Your mother is not your enemy, she is concerned about you. Count your blessings dear, don’t jeopardise your own freedom by playing with fire. This is your age to focus on your studies. And secondly, you are too young to get involved with anyone seriously. It’s better to break up with H and wait for few years till the time you’ll be take a sensible decision. Good luck!
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