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| Cat-catcher wanted |
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Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Job opportunity: a vacancy has arisen in the staff of the PM's residence in Islamabad. We are seeking to appoint a fully-qualified leopard catcher. By 'fully qualified' we mean that the applicant has on more than one occasion successfully captured a leopard or similar wild beast and can present photographic evidence to support their claim. Alternatively, if they can display any scars or wounds occasioned by the capture of feral felines this would be acceptable. Simply turning up at the gate and saying 'I am the best leopard catcher in Pakistan' is unlikely to convince our skeptical interviewing team. Given that qualified leopard catchers are something of a rarity we may be prepared to consider an unqualified person who is good with animals and does not mind creeping around the prime ministerial lawns at dead of night waving a tin of cat food and whispering "Here kitty-kitty…nice pussycat…good kitty…hop in this bag kitty".
The successful applicant will have a full set of limbs, both eyes more-or-less in the right place and two ears – which are NOT on the same side of the head. Illiterate candidates will be considered and preference given to those who display an ability to run very fast in the dark without bumping into anything. We accept that there are inherent risks attached to this post, one such being the possibility that the successful applicant will be eaten by his or her quarry. In this event we are prepared to make a one-time payment of Rs200 to the family of the deceased. In the event of a successful capture the post-holder will benefit from TV interview rights, the sale of his or her story to both domestic and foreign news channels and will receive a 'good service' letter of recommendation to future employers personally signed by the prime minster. The postholder must understand that this is a 'one-off' job and once the cat is in the bag there is no continuity of employment. Letting the cat out of the bag and then claiming that it escaped as a result of sinking its claws into the trapper's more sensitive regions is unlikely to generate prime ministerial sympathy – or re-employment. The post is open to both men and women; we are an equal-opportunity employer. Interested applicants should form an orderly queue at the gates of the prime ministerial residence no later than 6 am, May 28, 2009. Signed –The Prime Minster's House, Pakistan
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ISSN 1563-9479 
